While I can never lay claim to creating anything glorious or heartbreaking, I find most of my inspiration in music. I see the emotions in the composition, and hear them in the lyrics. My brain filters these, turning them into shapes and colors. And most of what I picture in my head can not be put down on paper because I am simply not that talented.
Still, when inspiration knocks, it is hard for anyone to simply say "Go away!". We find a way to give that inspiration an outlet.
I finished a mixed media painting yesterday that was inspired by a song that was inspired by a heartbreaking event in history. Perhaps not heartbreaking to those living now, but heartbreaking to those who were personally involved, heartbreaking to those who loved the person who took her life. According to historical recollection, the late author, Virginia Woolf, took her own life by filling the pockets of her overcoat with stones and drowning herself in the River Ouse.
In a letter to her husband, Leonard, Virginia wrote:
"Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that—everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V."
The song that inspired me is by Florence and The Machine's "Never Let Me Go".
Please don't get me wrong~I do not believe that suicide is the only answer. However, I don't judge others based on their decision. Sometimes a heart is so heavy with the burden of a disease or disorder, that the only sane resolution seems to be to drown it. I know some who won't agree, and that's ok.
So, let me tell you why this song resonates with me. When life gets crazy, and my anxiety takes over, I have a habit of closing my eyes and imagining myself in a vast ocean, sitting on the sandy floor. The current pulls and pushes me. I imagine my hair flowing, I imagine the waves crashing above me, but I am safe here on the ocean floor. It is calm and peaceful. Life is still here, waiting for me, but its sounds and its business are muffled and distant. I do my best to let go of what's bothering me. I find peace in these moments.
Which is why I sat down yesterday and created this:
It is a mixed media painting honoring the peace I feel when I think of the ocean. On this wood panel are shells and stones and drift wood that I have picked up while walking along the riverbanks and sound shores here in Washington. There are rose~copper colored fresh water pearls scattered about, metal sea turtles and mermaid charms. There is sea glass, and what I like to call "unicorn shells". The lyrics to the song have been incorporated into the painting, as well.
I wish you all peace, no matter where and how you find it, but remember that you are here for a reason. You are loved, you are worth fighting for, and you can heal. <3